Tonight I have a rant. About cereal. And the government. Yes, a rant about cereal and the government.

Earlier this week it was reported that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has cracked its whip and taken on America’s most popular cereal, Cheerios. The FDA has determined that because the Cheerios packaging claims that “eating two servings a day of Cheerios helps to reduce bad cholesterol when eaten as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol”, Cheerios is now a drug. Moreover, it has not been tested as a drug, and therefore General Mills must change the packaging or the FDA will call for the removal of Cheerios from store shelves.

Seriously? I dare ya. Remove Cheerios from store shelves and see where that gets you. There is only so much government interference that can be tolerated. I dare say that a government which attempts to sink the unsinkable Cheerio is a government that will soon face mutiny. O-O-O-Cheerios is mightier than O-O-O-bama. You can bank on it.

Mind you, these are difficult economic times. Millions of Americans are surviving these times solely on Cheerios and bologna sandwiches. This is no time to be screwing with our food chain. People need their soluble fiber infused, circular oat based goodness. Leave it be!

Is this really the best use of the FDA’s time? What is the worst that could happen? Is there some poor sap out there buying Cheerios as his sole means of combating his high LDL diagnosis? And even if there were such a moron, would it really warrant pulling Cheerios from stores? Could one possible overdose on Cheerios? I think not.

Doesn’t this send a mixed message to our youth? Just say no to drugs, we’ve told them. Yet parents everywhere have faithfully fed their children Cheerios when they’d much rather be eating sugar coated marshmallow honey chocolate fruit crunch. Now we’re saying Cheerios is a drug.

Hey, maybe that’s it. Maybe this is a secret plan in the war on drugs. Let’s take something completely innocuous, healthy even, and label it as a drug. Convince teenagers everywhere that Cheerios is the new weed. They’ll be going to parties with yellow cardboard boxes everywhere. Michael Phelps will be getting photographed with a bowl and a spoon. Parents will be getting suspicious when the milk goes missing. People will be talking…”Awesome party, dude. I had like four bowls. I got so much oat in me, my urine still smells funny.” “Who was the kid that brought the honey nut? What a loser!”

I don’t know. It could work.